She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Someone shit on the floor
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize