I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
