I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
