i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
