In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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