You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
