your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
