I wish my penis had an off switch
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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