So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
