hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize