he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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