This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
