when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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