Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
