You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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