I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
