She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
