Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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