dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Everclear isn't food dammit
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize