if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
