i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
