I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i dont even know how to be here
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
