Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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