I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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