btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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