i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
