Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
