Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
