I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
