I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
