You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
