Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
