shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
