She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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