I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
