marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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