I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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