Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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