yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
