I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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