So drunk, too bad you don't want this
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
