Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
