i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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