i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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