I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
