Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I fill condoms, not promises.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
