I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
