If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
