I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
