Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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