i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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