when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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