bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
