so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
