I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
