Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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