he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
