??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
