Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
