Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
