If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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