the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
