His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
