When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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