you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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