TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize