So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize