:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
