I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
